I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize