Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
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Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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