this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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