i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
