this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
