If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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