no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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