Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
