I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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