after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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