I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
