are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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