I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
