finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
