Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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