did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
