His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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