I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
