i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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