You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So squirting runs in the family.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
