Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
