his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
