A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
