Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
