Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
