hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
