Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
