I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
