how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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