you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
