I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
