champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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