Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You were trust falling into bushes
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
