a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i now understand why vodka
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
