the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
