If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
