that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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