He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
