At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
