So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
