I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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