Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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