We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
one might say we're banned from that church
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
