I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize