The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
