The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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