the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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