I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He shit in the fireplace
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
