The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
