she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
