Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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