Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have feelings that need drinking.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
