Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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