He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
