There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I AM VODKA MAN
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
