My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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