What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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