I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
