he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
