There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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