I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
