no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
