He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
