My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
