Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
