I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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