my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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