The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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